简短的英语笑话带翻译
Feel Unhappy.心里难受
Son: Is it wrong to give anyone mental or physical hurt when he felt unhappy?
Father: Of cause, it is.
Son: Fine, now I am feeling so bad. I lost in two subjects this time.
Father(angrily): What? You------
儿子：是不是当心里难受时，就不应该再给他精神或肉体上的刺激？
父亲：那当然！
儿子：那好，这次我有两门功课不及格，我现在心里很难受。
父亲(气愤地)：什么？你……
It’s not that. 不是那样的。
A: I saw seven girls share one umbrella and none of them got wet.
B: Oh, that must be a very big umbrella.
A: No, it wasn’t raining.
A：我看见7个女孩共撑一把伞却没有一个被淋湿。
B：啊？那一定是把很大的伞吧！
A：不是，当时并没有下雨。
Compare other things？比一下其他？
Son: Mom, John has a pair of shoes with Gordon’s name signed.
Mom: You just care about this? Haven’t you compared other things?
Son: Yes, his mother is prettier than you.
儿子：妈妈，John有双乔丹签名的球鞋。
妈妈：你只关心这个吗？不会比一下其它东西？
儿子：有啊，他妈妈比你漂亮。
He Won
Tommy: How is your little brother, Johnny? Johnny: He is ill in bed. He hurt himself.
Tommy: That's too bad. How did that happen?
Johnny: We played who could lean furthest out of the window, and he won.
他赢了
汤姆：约翰尼，你小弟弟好吗？
约翰尼：他害病卧床了。他受了伤。
汤姆：真糟糕，怎么回事儿？
约翰尼：我们做游戏，看谁能把身子探出窗外最远，他赢了。
I Have His Ear in My Pocket
Ivan came home with a bloody nose and his mother asked,
1,Two birls
Teacher: Here are two birds, one is a swallow, the other is sparrow. Now who can tell us which is which?
Student: I cannot point out but I know the answer.
Teacher: Please tell us.
Student: The swallow is beside the sparrow and the sparrow is beside the swallow.
两只鸟
老师： 这儿有两只鸟，一只是麻雀。谁能指出哪只是燕子，哪只是麻雀吗？
学生：我指不出，但我知道答案。
老师：请说说看。
学生：燕子旁边的就是麻雀，麻雀旁边的就是燕子。
2. The Fish Net
Can you tell me what fish net is made, Ann?
A lot of little holes tied together with strings. replied the little girl.
鱼网
你能告诉我鱼网是什么做的吗，安？ 老师发问道。
把许多小孔用绳子栓在一起就成了鱼网了。 小女孩回答道。
3. The New Teacher
George comes from school on the first of September.
George, how did you like your new teacher? asked his mother.
I didn't like her, Mother, because she said that three and three were six and then she said that two and four were six too.....
新老师
9月1日， 乔治放学回到家里。
乔治，你喜欢你们的新老师吗？ 妈妈问。
妈妈，我不喜欢，因为她说3加3得6, 可后来又说2加4也得6。
4. A physics Examination
Once in a physics examination, Nick finished the first question very soon, while his classmates were thinking it hard.
The question was: When it thunders why do we see the lighting first, then hear the thunderrolls?
Nick's answer: Because our eyes are before ears.
一次物理考试
在一次物理考试时，当同学们都还在苦思冥想时，尼克很快就答好了第一个问题。
这个问题是：为什么在打雷时，我们总是先看到闪电后听到雷声？
尼克的回答是：因为眼睛在前，耳朵在后
1. Will and Bill were quarrelling about whose father was the stronger man. Will said, “Well, you know the Pacific Ocean ? My father's the one who dug the hole for it.”
Bill wasn't impressed, “Well, that's nothing. You know the Dead Sea ? My father's the one who killed it!”
谁的父亲更强壮
威尔和比尔在为谁的父亲更强壮而争吵。 威尔说： “ 喏，你知道太平洋吗？就是我爸爸为它挖的洞。”
比尔不屑一顾： “ 噢，那没什么。你知道死海吗？那是我爸爸杀死的。 ”
2.某次英文考试有两道翻译题目：
1）我穿上外套，却发现第一个扣子掉了。
2）他听见电话铃响，就过去接了电话。
正确答案应为：
1）put on my coat and found its first button was gone.
2）As soon as he heard the phone ringing, he went to pick itup.
但是某生的答案是：
1）Shit!
2）Hello?
3.老师在黑板上写了一句：Time is money.
并让同学们翻译。有名学生答道：“汤姆是
玛丽。”
4.小明上英文课时跟老师说：May I go to the toilet?
老师说：Go ahead.
小明就坐了下来。过了一会儿，小明又跟老师说：May I go to the toilet?
老师说：Go ahead.
小明又坐了下来。他旁边的同学于是忍不住问：你不是跟老师说要上厕所吗？怎么不
去？
小明说：你没听老师说「去你个头」啊！
5.某日刘洪涛遇到外宾，上前搭话曰：I am hongtao liu，外宾曰：我他妈还是方块七呢！
The notorious cheap skate finally decided to have a party. Explaining to a friend how to find his apartment, he said, Come up to 5M and ring the doorbell with your elbow. When the door open, push with your foot.
Why use my elbow and foot?
Well, gosh, was the reply, You're not coming empty-hangded, are you?
一个出了名的吝啬鬼终于决定要请一次客了。他在向一个朋友解释怎么找到他家时说：“你上到五楼，找中间那个门，然后用你的胳膊肘按门铃。门开了之后，再用你的脚把门推开。”
“为什么要用我的肘和脚呢？”
“你的双手得拿礼物啊。天哪，你总不会空着手来吧？”吝啬鬼回答
What is the longest word in the English language?
SMILES: there is a mile between the first and last letters!
哪个英文字最长？
smile（笑），应为，smile的中间有一英里长（mile）
man who runs in front of car gets tired
一个人在车前跑会给车轮压扁（或者累）tired（车轮或者累的意思）
man who runs behind the car get exhausted
一个人在车后跑会吸很多车废气（或者累） exhausted (废气或者累的意思）
呵呵，第二个笑话，只用英语很好很好的人才看得懂，我的一些洋人朋友都一下子反映不过来。
第一个笑话很适合你
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